Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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