I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize