I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
