So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
