I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
