I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
