If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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