I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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