Umm I'm too high to move.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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