Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
did i just pee glitter
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize