So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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