Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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