You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
