Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
