We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
