So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
