He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
