Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
