Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think i have two assholes
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
