I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
