Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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