I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
