I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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