gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
