I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
