The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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