dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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