I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
