so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
