mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
