you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
