He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
