He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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