I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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