the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
