I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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