Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
