if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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