no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
