Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
