i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
