I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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