I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
