Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize