the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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