she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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