I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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