perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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