are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Send help, water and tortillas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize