For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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