Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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