All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
