in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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