So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We have started to decorate penises.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
