my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
