never play flip cup with pint glasses
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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