Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
