I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
