Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
