The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
