Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
