i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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