do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
splinters make it hard to masturbate
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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