she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
