I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
