I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
