You just made me feel so damn special
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
