its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
