that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
