I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
