just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
