You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
