Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
