i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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