I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize