Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize