Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
