I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
